What? Did you think I was done talking about my time at Academy Of Art? No. Did you think that I'm slightly freaked out to talk shit about an organization that I owe thousands of dollars to but haven't given a cent? No. Oh, wait... The answer to that one is yes. It's a little terrifying. To me, and my non-existent credit.
Anyway, let's get back on track. That experience of just my first week was, for me overwhelming. I didn't understand why my friend said it was soul crushing until then. I think it was made even worse by the fact that for one of my classes, I was missing EVERYTHING. So I never went. The real kicker is that I found out that they had a store on the inside that sales you everything in a kit. Fuck me. I tried to buy all my supplies for these classes at different art stores but could never find the crap I needed for this one specific class, and it turns out these guys were just selling it... I didn't even want to take this class. Why? Because it was fucking sculpting. I would like for someone to bust out their handy dandy spyglass, and find the lettering's for 'Illustrator' in the word 'Sculptor.'
Couldn't find it? Good. Guess that means I'm not crazy. So I was dropped from that class. I did okay in two of my other classes, and very well in another. Which had nothing to do with me using a motherfucking pencil, because it was digital media. Can you believe that? I'm going to school for drawing, and the thing I improve on is Photoshop. Don't get me wrong. I know that is important for all artist in this day, and age who want to do anything real with their art in the professional space. But still it just pisses me off that I improved less with my actual drawing ability and did well in this. Soon after that, my basic shadings teacher, and shapes teacher told me that my tardiness and absentees earned me an automatic fail.
So after that I shut down and stopped going to everything except for digital M. My semester ended, And it felt like one step forward, and two steps back. I tried to pick it back up, but those damn FAFSA problems showed up again. It honestly could have just been me, but I doubt it. Even my friend Nick stopped going. Granted he tried for a lot longer, But his drive for art was being snuffed, and the nail in the coffin was when he got fucking Mono. It was so bad that he had to stay in his house for like six months. And if I'm going to dig into my memory my other friend, turned girlfriend, turned ex, turned friend again, Had gone there as well and experienced the same thing. So you tell me.
I tried to figure out where I stood in the world after that, and I'm still trying to figure this shit out right now as I type these fucking words, but anyway. I applied to place to place. Always got the same old thing. "Sorry, but were looking for candidates with employment experience." I understood the first few times, but every time after that Pissed me off, makes me mad, irks me, it just ticks me off. Especially when you manage to get an interview, and they say it in my face after I go down there all nervous, and freaking out. To have to hear you say "Sorry, but were looking for candidates with employment experience." Makes me want to say "No shit numb nuts. I want to give you the experience you crave, but can't get it because dick stains like you won't give me the work experience I need in order to work for you. You fucking thunder cunted, jizz drinking, great grandmother fucker you!" Oh, I'm sorry. Did I seem upset? Well, fucking good. The working world pisses me off. And fuck you BestBuy, Target, and whatever that fucking paint store is that my dad worked at, and every other place I applied to.
So let's put a smile on and continue with the story. After that, I was told about security jobs, and how much they pay. I think to myself. Kennan, that's a great fucking idea. Go for that. I mean it's a sure fire thing. You'll be paid fairly well. You know. For someone your age and best of all, you will be making more money than you're friends that are slowly finding jobs, and be able to silently stroke your ego. I even thought that if I got a security job. I could save money, and get all the necessities for a food truck or something like that, and go on a joint business venture with my dad and brother. So I spend the money needed to take the class, get the guard card, etc. And begin applying to more places with wide-eyed wonder.
To my surprise, I just end up getting the same old shit. It's the type of thing that makes you wonder. Why am I here? Am I just a waste of space? Would it be better for everyone if I weren't even here? Not made better by the fact that my mother started losing her patients and saying shit like "You're not trying." "When I die. You will be fucked." And things of that nature. It's hard to argue those things too because I didn't have much to show or prove any different. So I tried other things that might work, or at least make me feel like I was something. Like YouTube. I liked the idea of putting out whatever you want, and maybe getting some views from people that like your stuff. So my ex and I came up with a kick ass idea.
We were going to start off by reviewing cartoons we loved growing up that got canceled, even tho people loved them, and to this day still do. We planned to have this whole Kingdom Hearts theme going on as well. Our first cartoon was going to be Danny Phantom. You remember that show? It was great. A kid with ghost powers that was the hero in his town. Had a real Spider-Man vibe going on.
Took all this time, and did all this research on it. I bought the entire series. Looked up tips for new YouTubers, and we started writing a script. A funny one too if I say so myself for what it was. But then my G.F got finicky, and just kind of dropped it. I love that girl, but follow through always seemed to be an issue at times. But to her credit she is employed while I'm writing this. So anyway I did some soul searching. Talked to a good friend of mine (Who after thinking about it. Is diffidently one of my best friends) about legacy, and what we leave behind in this world. Two things became clear to me. I want to leave behind something big, And I want my own family one day. A boy and a girl. Also, I wanted a career that could do more than support that family but live the good life, because I was born and raised to think that way. I remembered why I liked to draw, and it all came back to my characters I created in high school, and the worlds, and situations I placed for them. It became clear to me.
I had to get my stories out there no matter what. I remembered back in school that I had a skill for writing. Granted a little unrefined, but it was there. The want to etch my name in the history of nerdy culture, and showing up at cons with my own booth would be my drive. The thought that I am far from nothing. I could prove my worth. It all pushed me to that. It got a little rocky. I still got words of discouragement, and as this goes up, I am still working on my manuscript of around 93,000 words, and still going, and my GF left me at a point where I really needed someone to stick it out with me (But I don't blame her.) But to hell with all of it. I'll keep this train going, and achieve my goals that I have been working on for two years now.
So yeah, longer than I expected. As, like before, if anyone wants to read. You are free to. I would like to connect with you all out there. So comment if you want.
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